Finally some new posts! Swedish things that are not Swedish at all!

Fake Swedes

Even the most fervent Sweden-fans have to admit that there are some things wrong with the blissful image we foreigners have of magnificent Sweden. And I am not talking about the health care system, although I am certain a lot of readers from the US will immediately point this out as the proverbial hole in the dyke (I am not sure if that saying works in English, as you may have guessed from the use of the word dyke, it is a Dutch thing…).

There are more urgent matters, however, in terms of falsified images of Sweden. Here I present a few of the most incorrect and faulty thoughts that float around. If I have forgotten some blatantly obvious failings, please do let me know, and I will gladly complete this list in a coming post!

Assumption 1: Ikea is Swedish

Not so, remarkably. True, Ikea’s origins are solidly Swedish. However, it is nowadays in the hands of the Dutch and like many other multinationals its corporate structure is a complete chaotic mess for those not well-versed in such things – a group of ignorant people whose ranks I count myself member of. In a nutshell, though, most of the Ikea shops and factories are run by the Dutch INGKA Holding, which is owned by the INGKA Foundation. This Foundation was found by the founding father of Ikea, Ingvar Kamprad – probably for tax-exemption purposes. The foundation is still solidly chaired by Kamprad, and also includes his wife. Nevertheless, it is a Dutch Foundation. Additionally, the trademark and franchising part of Ikea is held by a different – also Dutch – company called Inter IKEA Systems.

Still there? I told you it was a mess! It is owned by Inter IKEA Holding, which is registered in Luxembourg – so it is not Dutch – which in turn belongs to a similarly named Holding based in the Netherlands Antilles – which makes it Dutch again. Hold on, though, we are not there yet! There is also a company in Liechtenstein that is responsible for the 2009 liquidation of the Antilles-Holding, and this is called Interogo Foundation. It is also controlled by the Kamprad family. Moreover, in Australia there are two different companies operating IKEA. I will spare you, just remember, it’s a big mess, and it’s NOT Swedish!

Assumption 2: Skåne is Swedish

Opinions are certainly divided about this one. It belongs very much to Sweden, according to the official laws and statutes, written down by very smart people with long beards, about a few hundred years ago, (in three treaties, to be exact, in 1660, 1679 and 1700 – communication was slow those days!). The people living there weren’t all too happy about it, and frankly I am sure that the people living elsewhere couldn’t give a straw for it. But people with long beards, big bellies and lots of jewelry did mind, and so they drew up papers that stated Skåne was Swedish.

The problem was at that time that nearly all of the inhabitants there spoke Danish – albeit undoubtedly in a weird kind of way in the minds of true Danes. Governmental efforts were tremendous, and in the end, most Skånians approached in their lingo a kind of Swedish, although their dialect is still contested as a borderline case between Swedish and Danish. They call this Skånkt. For instance: kjella in Skånskt means kattungar in Swedish, which in turn means kittens in English.

Most Stockholmians claim to not understand a word a Skånian says. This may, however, not be entirely the blame of the Skånian dialect, since Stockholmians sometimes suffer from selective bursts of hearing impairment.  

Assumption 3: Cheese slicer

NO it is NOT!

Photo from: http://www.svedinrehab.se/svedin_ting/Bilder/elc_osthyvel.jpg

Many a Swede maintains that the slicer – or grater, if you must - of cheese is a brilliant invention from Sweden. Many Dutch people contend it is a Dutch invention, equally brilliant because it is from Holland. Both are wrong, though. It is, in fact, the brilliant contraption developed by Thor Bjørklund, a Norwegian who invented this marvellous piece of equipment in 1925 – and yes, that is AFTER Sweden split from Norway!

You can still buy the ‘real’ thing, a Bjørklund slicer, produced by their firm Thor Bjørklund & Sønner AS. You can, however, also buy a cheap one from the Dutch-held Ikea. Or one of the marvellously decorated and highly overpriced creations found in any Dutch or Swedish tourist shop! Ugliness guaranteed, sharpness not so much. However, this does not matter if you are in Sweden, because the cheese isn’t work the grating anyway…

Assumption 4: Moose-crossing warning signs are put there to take home

Many tourists and even locals seem to think that these signs, put there by the ever so concerned Swedish government, are there for the taking. They in fact serve their purpose best when kept in place, although many people seem to have difficulty with grasping this.

I could not find any exact data on the actual sign-taking, but it must be severe, since many regional authorities complain loudly about it. So please, people, if you read this,… think twice before taking these signs. The government is in a terrible predicament about it, and they are growing desperate. For certain, world war and famine are things to contemplate also, but this sign taking, it must be stopped!

That said, I am sure that I have omitted many a triviality or peculiarity that Swedes illegitimate claim to be theirs and theirs alone. If one pops up in your mind, let me know, I will gladly extend this list. Reaching a top 10 is ever a good goal to strive for, me thinks, so let me know and I shall write! 

Note, by the way, that kanelbullar, as far as I have been able to find out, ARE indeed very Swedish...